Reflection

I sit in my bed at 1:35 in the morning. It is officially 2012 and I am swarmed with so many emotions. I have had so many thoughts go through my mind this holiday season...honestly the last 4 months. I have had to come to terms with so many things and challenge myself to continue to keep some sort of stability, not for me but for our son.

In 2011 my family had so much happen, and tonight, I can't help but think how lucky I am to have my friends and family who have supported all of us during this transition. There is no way in hell I would have been able to keep going with out so many people.

I am so sad I didn't blog much the last third of the year. However, in blogging I have to accept the fact that things are not what I had wanted them to be. They are not how the family should have been, so I have found that I have avoided blogging because it's easier to just not.

The end of 2011 for the most part was good. Carter and I, and Dustin and Carter, all began adjusting to the new life. The changes, the schedules, the routines, etc. However, for me, I have had to deal with a void of not having the "family" feeling.I have really missed having the bond that comes with a mom, a dad, and a son living together. Having said that, Dustin and I have remained close and communicate regularly. I can only pray this continues as Carter continues to get older.

Tonight I am ever so grateful that I have a happy, healthy, full of beans 3 year old. He and I definitely have our times but then there are days like today, when everything is just "perfect." There was no fighting, no time out and little sass. It was a day full of love and snuggles and it made me feel like we were doing exactly what we were supposed to be doing.

I am so grateful for my family. Every single member has helped me and reached out to me during this time. There have been several times I find I just want to be alone or work through some of these emotions by myself, and they have tried to sit back and let me do it when need be and pulled me in when it probably wasn't best for me to be alone. I am so glad they all know me so well and know when to push and when to let me go.

I am blessed with a support group of friends. They have helped me more than they will ever know. They have called to say hi, taken me out, spent time with me, and when I was ready to start hanging out, they were there. I kind of had to take a step back on some things for a few months and I am so grateful my friends were just right there waiting for me to get back on my feet.

Tonight I have so much hope in what the new year brings. I pray it brings stability. I pray it brings acceptance of the change and ability to start new traditions, schedules, routines, and time spent together. I pray it brings peace, to all of us. I know we have all had our struggles and I feel like we need comfort in knowing we are right where we are supposed to be. I need courage to continue to do what is right for my family and make choices that are going to benefit Carter and I, not be damaging. The unknown is so scary. I have no idea what our future holds, and it is a little nerve racking not to know which direction to go. In speaking with my aunt the other day she said something to me about the future. My reply was something in the words of, "Right now, I focus on getting out of bed, getting ready, taking a breath, and see where the day brings me. That is all I can really do at this point." There is raw truth to that, and for someone who likes to have a pretty good idea on routine and schedule, to have no clue, is super rough.

Here is to 2012. Please be gentle this year. Please bring happiness and comfort to Carter and me. Please help me in making decisions and being there for anything and everything Carter needs. Please help Dustin and I raise a son who knows how much he is loved and continue to let Dustin and I work as a team when it comes to co-parenting our baby. Please watch over all of our loved ones and bless them with health and strength.

Happy New Year to all my friends and family. I hope this is the best one yet!

Letter 1: A Letter To My Big Sis

Dear S,

It is that time of year again, and I have decided to participate in another year of taking the time to write one person a week, during the month of November, who I am thankful for. I feel like you are the perfect person to start this year out with.
Since June I feel like my life has been a little crazy. From finding out I was pregnant, to then quickly losing my pregnancy, to deciding that Dustin and I needed to separate and eventually divorce, I feel like I have had been on one hell of an emotional ride. With you, you have been one of the few people I have found myself really leaning on and telling so much to. For that I am so grateful to have you. You help keep me positive and help me believe that the direction I am moving towards is a direction I can handle and enjoy.

Being my older sister we have definitely had our fair share of bumping heads and not agreeing with each other. But I am so glad that I have had you as my sister. When we get together with the Murray Gang, I frequently think about the times you and I would spend with that same group 14 years ago, and I love that you and I have those memories of doing it together. I am so glad we have a group of friends that are common so we get to spend time together outside of our regular family gatherings.

You have also saved me when it comes to Carter. I know there are days that he is a handful and challenges your every nerve. But, I am ALWAYS so grateful to know my little boy is safe and in hands that I trust. I know you would never let anything happen to my baby and that you provide him with structure, love, friends, and security. Thank you so much for being so willing to take him in during the days that Dustin and I are working and for being such a large part in my child’s life.
There’s so much more I am grateful for when it comes to you. You know when to just let me walk away and you know when to keep pushing me until I finally tell you what is on my mind. There are days that I may want to hurt ya for that, but I always think in the long run, I am glad we talked.

Thank you again for all you do. I am so glad I have you as not only my sister but as my friend. I really think the past year or so would have been so much more difficult if I didn’t have the love and support from you on a regular basis. I know I make decisions that not everyone agrees with, but I also know I can always talk to you about it, and even if you don’t agree, you will listen.

I love you S!!!

Your Sis,
Lindsey

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Really...



The older I get, the more I LOVE the 4th of July. It truly has become my VERY favorite holiday in the whole wide world!



What made this year even BETTER...It was on a Monday.



Which made it an ENITRE weekend of celebrations.



Friday is when we began to celebrate. My mom, my sis, and I met for pedi's and then made sure we had the MUCH needed new holiday outifits for the family.



We then went to Logan Saturday until Sunday afternoon. Dustin and I were able to leave Peanut with Granny and Papa and sneak away to a movie, Green Lantern. That was nice to have a date, it had been awhile. Sunday morning we then went and spent a few hours with Aunt Tammy, we always enjoy our time and chats with her.

Sunday afternoon we headed to Kristie's and Rand's for a 3rd of July BBQ and Fireworks. Brad and Ty joined our two families, along with Jade and Marissa.







We started with a bbq. Shortly after, there was a MASSIVE shaving cream fight. It was so fun to watch the kids play and really get into the fight.











After the shaving cream, we fed the Little's their cupcakes and got ready to light off the fireworks.

It was so fun and the kids LOVED it! Let's be honest the adults LOVED it too. In fact, we had to go get more because when they were all gone, we were not ready for them to be over.











Monday morning, my little family, met mom and Gar for the Murray parade. Which is most DEFINITELY one of my favorite parts of the holiday.











A little later we met Mom, Gar, and the Hansen family at the park for Murray Fun Days. The kids played on the slides, ate some cotton candy, played a few games, and ran around. Another AWESOME part of the 4th.











After we were done at the park, we went to Nathan's for a block party. The whole street came out at his house and we had a BBQ. There was potato salad, hamburgers and dogs, chips and lemonade. We all played volleyball and then did fireworks together. It really is what the 4th of July is all about.









I read this quote on a facebook post and fell in LOVE with it. So, I am going to end with it. "You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism." ~Erma Bombeck

Lou Turns 2, Father's Day, and A Leak!

Sunday was quite the day. We woke up early to get the house all ready for Lynnie Lou's 2nd birthday party. The weather was CRAZY so we knew we would be hosting indoors on this one. We got the house all clean and Grandpa Garry ordered this for the yard.



We still needed to get ready, so while Stac and Bri started decorating Dustin and I went upstairs to shower and get ready. While Dustin was in the shower Stacy comes RUNNING up the stairs, pounds on the door and informs us that there is water pouring out of our ceiling fan downstairs. AWESOME!!!

Well, I have had a lot on my plate the last couple weeks and this was just to much for me. So, my dear husband, on his Father's Day, got to go downstairs and see what was going on. Once my hair was curled, my make-up was on, and I was dressed...(basically there was NOTHING left for me to do but go look)....I went downstairs to find this.





Well, I may have had a bit of an emotional breakdown, and people may have thought I was being dramatic but it was just a lot for the time being. I recognize now it is what it is and in the big picture it's nothing. I was just not ready for holes in my ceiling and a leak.

After I pulled myself together we celebrated Lou's 2nd birthday. She is so fun and it was a pleasure having people at our home to celebrate.



Once the party was done, we headed to Mandy's for dinner. She had a very nice BBQ for all of us and we got to spend time celebrating the dad's.

It was quite the day and I was ready for bed. I just want to say how grateful I am for Dustin and all he does for our little family. There have been several events these past few weeks where my husband has taken a situation and been AMAZING in dealing with it and more so me. I love him and how much he can balance me out. I love you babe and Happy Daddy's Day!

Dying Easter Eggs

Saturday night, after my dad's birthday party, I was sitting on the couch vegging. I was thinking how tired I was and almost about to call it a night. I began thinking about Easter morning, and then all the sudden I am in PANIC mode.

I FORGOT ABOUT DYING EASTER EGGS!

Let me reword...I didn't forget up until this point, I had thought about it here and there, but had so many other things going on, Easter Eggs kept being put on the back burner. So, as I am beginning to relax, to have the thought come barreling in that my Little Man wouldn't have an Easter Egg Hunt in the morning unless I got up and dyed eggs was just one more thing.



I quickly turned on the stove, boiled the eggs, and setup the dye packets.Carter was so excited to spend some time playing in the colors and dying his eggs. I am glad that we made sure we had some time as a family dying these eggs.



I must say, it was a fairly short and sweet dying job, but none the less, it was a lot of fun and Carter still loved it.

New Years Eve 2010

This was a very fun New Years Eve for Our Lil Adams Family. It took FOREVER to decide what we were going to do, and plans changed frequently. However, about 4:30 pm we finally decided to go to the Mastricola's and have a kid party.


We arrived about 8:30 and visited with our cronies. We just munched on snacks and caught up. Carter quickly adapted to the kids and was off with them. He had a good time playing with his friends, and watch little cars go around a track, fish on the wii, and play with balls.


The girls were doing make-overs and made so many of us pretty! They got my cheeks INCREDIBLY rosey, but they had fun. Dustin was even a good sport and let the girls do his make-up as well. They made sure all of us got moles!




As the New Year came in, we all vowed to have a good year, and if there was something we wanted to do, we weren't going to talk about it, we were going to do it. After the New Year came, the girls put on a performance for the grown-ups and danced. It was darling! The evening ended with many dancing!





We finally called it a night at 2:30. We loved spending time with our friends and are looking forward to the new year!