Reflection

I sit in my bed at 1:35 in the morning. It is officially 2012 and I am swarmed with so many emotions. I have had so many thoughts go through my mind this holiday season...honestly the last 4 months. I have had to come to terms with so many things and challenge myself to continue to keep some sort of stability, not for me but for our son.

In 2011 my family had so much happen, and tonight, I can't help but think how lucky I am to have my friends and family who have supported all of us during this transition. There is no way in hell I would have been able to keep going with out so many people.

I am so sad I didn't blog much the last third of the year. However, in blogging I have to accept the fact that things are not what I had wanted them to be. They are not how the family should have been, so I have found that I have avoided blogging because it's easier to just not.

The end of 2011 for the most part was good. Carter and I, and Dustin and Carter, all began adjusting to the new life. The changes, the schedules, the routines, etc. However, for me, I have had to deal with a void of not having the "family" feeling.I have really missed having the bond that comes with a mom, a dad, and a son living together. Having said that, Dustin and I have remained close and communicate regularly. I can only pray this continues as Carter continues to get older.

Tonight I am ever so grateful that I have a happy, healthy, full of beans 3 year old. He and I definitely have our times but then there are days like today, when everything is just "perfect." There was no fighting, no time out and little sass. It was a day full of love and snuggles and it made me feel like we were doing exactly what we were supposed to be doing.

I am so grateful for my family. Every single member has helped me and reached out to me during this time. There have been several times I find I just want to be alone or work through some of these emotions by myself, and they have tried to sit back and let me do it when need be and pulled me in when it probably wasn't best for me to be alone. I am so glad they all know me so well and know when to push and when to let me go.

I am blessed with a support group of friends. They have helped me more than they will ever know. They have called to say hi, taken me out, spent time with me, and when I was ready to start hanging out, they were there. I kind of had to take a step back on some things for a few months and I am so grateful my friends were just right there waiting for me to get back on my feet.

Tonight I have so much hope in what the new year brings. I pray it brings stability. I pray it brings acceptance of the change and ability to start new traditions, schedules, routines, and time spent together. I pray it brings peace, to all of us. I know we have all had our struggles and I feel like we need comfort in knowing we are right where we are supposed to be. I need courage to continue to do what is right for my family and make choices that are going to benefit Carter and I, not be damaging. The unknown is so scary. I have no idea what our future holds, and it is a little nerve racking not to know which direction to go. In speaking with my aunt the other day she said something to me about the future. My reply was something in the words of, "Right now, I focus on getting out of bed, getting ready, taking a breath, and see where the day brings me. That is all I can really do at this point." There is raw truth to that, and for someone who likes to have a pretty good idea on routine and schedule, to have no clue, is super rough.

Here is to 2012. Please be gentle this year. Please bring happiness and comfort to Carter and me. Please help me in making decisions and being there for anything and everything Carter needs. Please help Dustin and I raise a son who knows how much he is loved and continue to let Dustin and I work as a team when it comes to co-parenting our baby. Please watch over all of our loved ones and bless them with health and strength.

Happy New Year to all my friends and family. I hope this is the best one yet!

Late Summer Concert Series

The end of August, first of September, my gang and I hit a bunch of concerts. They turned out to be so fun and the music was pretty good.

The first one we went to was Adelle. This was August 22 at the Gallivan Center. We found a trick to park in a garage and watch from there. Sounds a little wierd, but it was so fun! PLUS, we got to sit in our lawn chairs, talk, listen to the music perfectly, and could even see the stage.





The next concert was the one we had been waiting for the longest. Brad, Kris, and I went to Def Leppard and Heart. I don't know a bunch of the Def Leppard songs, but Heart is one of my favorites. Plus, they played my VERY favorite song, "Alone!" Kristie didn't know as much Heart, but killed it when it came to Def Leppard. The concert turned out to be so fun and the evening was beautiful.






After that Brad and I went to Willie Nelson at the Gallivan Center. Again, in the parking garage. However, this time the crowd was a lot more abnoxious, the music not as loud, and the screens weren't down. So, about an hour into it, we left and went and got some Cold Stone ice cream instead.

The final concert was Wilson Phillips. I LOVE this band, and have since I was a wee one. So, the day of, I sent Tyler to go get us tickets. They were playing at the fair, and the concert was free but you had to get tickets. Ty went and we were thrilled. As we walked in we were taken to our seats. Turns out we had seventh row seats and right in the middle. IT WAS AMAZING!! I love their music and had such a good time.





The concerts have been a blast, and it was so fun to be to so many in such a short amount of time. We don't have any planned for now, but I hear Air Supply in January may be calling our names!

My 29th Birthday

I celebrated the big 2-9 this year, and it was a different birthday. During school it was a lot of fun. My kids are darling and make it all worth while. I had a student bring me a cupcake, another a card, many sang happy birthday, and they were fun.

I then went and picked up my Little Man from Stac and headed home to get ready. I am not sure what happened exactly, but a funk took over and the rest of the day was kind of Bleh.

I met my mom, Gar, Stac, Bri, Coli, and Audra at the Old Spaghetti Factory for dinner. Stacy made a beautiful cake for me and we enjoyed our dinner.



I received new bedding and pillows from them and I must say I LOVE IT!




After dinner I took Carter over to his dad's and then talked to my little sister. My mom had given me a mushy card, which started a tear fest at dinner that was then hard to get under control, unfortunately.

I ended up going with Nathan and Brad to About Time, for a little bit. When I walked in, Nathan had the entire area sing happy birthday to me. It was completley mortifying, but very nice. The boys and I hung out for about an hour and then called it a night.



So...here is to 29. It is SO wierd to be in the position I am in, but I am good. I am very unsure of what lies ahead for this upcoming year, but I am not scared and I am curious as to what will be. Thank you to all who wished me a happy birthday, that was probably the best part of the day. I know I am a pretty lucky girl, with some AMAZING family and friends.

Life Is Changing

It has been forever since I posted, and I still have so much I need to post about. But, I am a little stuck on where to begin, what to post, and what not to share to the blogging world yet.

So, let me start by saying the dynamics of the Adams Family are changing. Not bad, not good...just changing. I am not sure which direction this will lead my blog or what will happen, but I promise this. I am going to post about the month of August. I am going to share the events that we, as a family of 3, did together. It is important because they were good times and I want to always remember that.

What you need to know for now. No, I am not pregnant. Dustin and I are individually fine and Carter is adjusting. Dustin and I have decided to seperate and take our paths into a different direction. There is no anger, no animosity, no fighting. It is amicable and we are still communicating daily about what is going to be best for Carter.

We have complete faith we will be the odd couple and remain very good friends. We will do whatever needs to be done to keep Carter happy.

I don't know if more details will be posted because this is private. This is something that we know we need to do for the both of us. Please, if you are going to comment, only leave nice comments. We do not want the opinions of people who don't understand the whole situation or what they think is best for "Our Lil Adams Family."

Thank you all for your love and support. Know we are both doing fine and at peace with our decisions. Much love!

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Really...



The older I get, the more I LOVE the 4th of July. It truly has become my VERY favorite holiday in the whole wide world!



What made this year even BETTER...It was on a Monday.



Which made it an ENITRE weekend of celebrations.



Friday is when we began to celebrate. My mom, my sis, and I met for pedi's and then made sure we had the MUCH needed new holiday outifits for the family.



We then went to Logan Saturday until Sunday afternoon. Dustin and I were able to leave Peanut with Granny and Papa and sneak away to a movie, Green Lantern. That was nice to have a date, it had been awhile. Sunday morning we then went and spent a few hours with Aunt Tammy, we always enjoy our time and chats with her.

Sunday afternoon we headed to Kristie's and Rand's for a 3rd of July BBQ and Fireworks. Brad and Ty joined our two families, along with Jade and Marissa.







We started with a bbq. Shortly after, there was a MASSIVE shaving cream fight. It was so fun to watch the kids play and really get into the fight.











After the shaving cream, we fed the Little's their cupcakes and got ready to light off the fireworks.

It was so fun and the kids LOVED it! Let's be honest the adults LOVED it too. In fact, we had to go get more because when they were all gone, we were not ready for them to be over.











Monday morning, my little family, met mom and Gar for the Murray parade. Which is most DEFINITELY one of my favorite parts of the holiday.











A little later we met Mom, Gar, and the Hansen family at the park for Murray Fun Days. The kids played on the slides, ate some cotton candy, played a few games, and ran around. Another AWESOME part of the 4th.











After we were done at the park, we went to Nathan's for a block party. The whole street came out at his house and we had a BBQ. There was potato salad, hamburgers and dogs, chips and lemonade. We all played volleyball and then did fireworks together. It really is what the 4th of July is all about.









I read this quote on a facebook post and fell in LOVE with it. So, I am going to end with it. "You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism." ~Erma Bombeck

Well We Survived Another "Final Day"

Today, was said to be, the "Last Day On Earth."


Yet I sit here at 10:30 at night with my boys and all is right. I debated on doing a "Last Supper Party" last night, just for fun, but after a few phone calls and where things currently stand with friends, it didn't happen.

Today for our "last day," we were all kinds of crazy. I did eight loads of laundry, hung pictures, cleaned a closet, did two loads of dishes, Dustin mowed and trimmed the lawn, and Carter played outside with bubbles. It was such a great day. I know it sounds like it was not, but I actually really enjoyed it.

The weather was finally beautiful, so I opened up the house to get some fresh air. I had my music going all day long, and I had a really good day. This is a different thing for me, because I am nowhere NEAR being a Becky Home Ecky. But to spend the day getting things done around the house and organizing was perfect.

Tonight we had an opportunity to go the Mastricola's or the Holt's yet once we got dressed and ready, we still didn't know which way to go. So...we got in the car, went and got drinks, pizza...and came home. It has been really nice to just have a weekend as a family catching up on some much needed "Team Adams Family" time.




Tomorrow my mom and sister come home and I am pretty excited. It seems like it has been forever since I have seen my family and Carter cannot WAIT to see Coli Kai and Baby sister. He has asked for them one million times today. I am ever so grateful to have another day here with my family and am so relieved I spent the day working on my to do list and not waiting for the end of the world. LOL If I would have done that, tomorrow would have been a REAL long day! ;-)

I'm Done Complaining About The Little Things

On Tuesday I received a phone call from a very close person, for security reasons the name cannot be said publicly, telling me my dad was in the hospital. They told me he was in the Emergency Room and had been for several hours and they would be keeping him overnight.

I was not supposed to know and my dad did not want us there, but for those of you who know me well, there is no way in hell you could keep me away from my daddy. So, I immediately hopped in my truck and headed towards the hospital. On my way there I called Stac to let her know, but she was in class.

When I got there my dad was NOT a happy camper. He did not want me to know he was not feeling well because he doesn't want me stressing. Once I finally got him calmed down, we sat and just chatted. It was the first time I had seen my dad in several months and it was REALLY good to just have some time with him.

I stayed with him for several hours and promised him I would be back the next day for the procedure. I left the hospital at 12:30 that night and went home.

The next day my dad had another procedure. Fortunately, after a few hours, we learned my dad was okay. He has somethings to work on, but he will be fine.

So, I will stop complaining about the little things and continue to be extremely grateful for what I have now!

It Was Just One Of Those Weeks

Monday night I was at Nathan's helping him with homework. We were in the middle of a test when my daddy called. I had Nathan answer and talk with my dad for a minute. It was then my turn. My dad and I were just chatting and then a few minutes later he told me some very sad news. My Uncle Bob had passed away that morning. At first I was at peace with this, but as details unveiled I realized I was upset. I asked if my dad was okay and then hung up.

On my way home that night I called my Aunt Tammy to see how she was holding up. She was in Moab already and started putting things together. I could tell it had been a long day for her and decided we would catch up later.

Tuesday morning, I awakened in a major funk. I was so sad about my Uncle and worried about how my family would be handling his death. I called my Aunt again that morning and had another chat. We cried together and talked about different stories. I then explained my internal conflict of attending the funeral. There was not a way for Dustin to get the weekend off and I felt like it might be to much to have Carter go to Moab and then attempt a service. She agreed and between her and my dad asking me to stay home, I decided I would. I spoke with my sisters Tuesday afternoon, and it turns out all three of us had a rough day.

Wednesday was another long day. I was at work until 5:00 then ran home to get dinner fixings and went straight to Nathan's to do more homework. Thursday night I began school myself, and I won't lie. The entire time I was sitting there I kept thinking, what the hell am I doing? I am not ready for this at all!!! But, I didn't get up and leave, so it looks like I am going to do it...at least this first class.

Friday Dustin and I had a date with IKEA. I was so excited to go buy the small items we had discussed and have a night out. I had decided I would stop off and get my face waxed on the way home. I went to a new place for my waxing, and I have NEVER been in more pain then I was from this session. The woman who waxed my face waxed clear up by my eye, tried to wax my forehead, etc. When I left I was in tears and in so much pain. I got in my car, looked in the mirror, and saw the woman had ripped part of my skin off from underneath my eyes.

I called my mom to vent and she told me she had just walked into my Uncle Bob's house. My Aunt was there and again we had the opportunity to talk. When I asked to speak to my mom again, I lost it. I just cried. I am upset with myself for not going to the funeral. I am upset that I didn't get to see my family and be there for them. I am upset that this dumb lady ripped apart my face and now I look like I have been beaten. I came home and just bawled. I went upstairs, but cold on my face and tried to hide as much of the mess as I could. Turned out that was a bad idea, and had to wash back off all the make-up.



Once I had pulled it together, Dustin and I went to IKEA and enjoyed the evening. My face is pretty tender today, and I would say even looks worse, but it is what it is. I went back to talk to the people who waxed and all they could say was that it was probably due to my acne, which I honestly don't have much of, my menstrual cycle, etc. When I asked if the wax may have been to hot, asked why they would ever wax by someones eyes, etc. they blew me off and told me to come back and try again. I told the lady that would not be happening and walked out.



I just got done talking with my mom and she said the service was beautiful. She said the family did a great job for my Uncle and they were all headed to the park for a picnic to celebrate Uncle Bob's life, and I am so glad they are!



Tonight I am looking to do something fun and bring my spirits back up. Happy Saturday all!

My Mom Turns The Big 6-0!

Yesterday was my mom's 60th birthday. This is a birthday she has been dreading, and my sisters and I wanted to make sure it was an extra special one. See, my mom is KNOWN for making the big birthdays seem to really count. She always makes them special and we wanted to try to do the same for this one.

Thursday my sisters and I went back and forth on different ideas, and decided the best way to make it a birthday to remember is to celebrate her day ALL. DAY. LONG!!!

Stacy and kids started it off at her work first thing in the morning with balloons and a crown that stacy had made.


At about 10:00 Garry had the next drop off and delivered a fruit arrangement.

At 12:00 Stacy, the grandkids, and I dropped off a birthday cake for her to share with her co-workers and sang happy birthday.



We decided to do the final drop off at her house, instead of work, because she got off a few minutes early. So, S, Gar, Grandbaby's, and I were waiting for her when she got home. We had a large bouquet of flowers waiting for her, with a little note that said, "FOR THE QUEEN."


As soon as she saw the flowers, we sent her into her room for a pair of sandals and a few pairs of socks. This was going to be the time us girls were going for a pedicure, one of our favorite things to do.


I than took mom's keys and excorted her to our next stop....DSW for a new pair of kicks. We didn't know what kind of shoes she would want and we wanted to make sure they were a pair that was comfortable and fun for her.


I think we did good!


The last stop was Red Robin for dinner. Here all of our families met and we were able to enjoy one another's company.


While at Red Robin mom opened her card from Jocelyn, whom we all missed dearly, and sent loves her way.



The final surprise was a beautiful watch from Gar. My mom had wanted one, but didn't know that Gar knew and he took it upon himself to find an AMAZING watch fit for the Queen.


We shared a scrumptious dessert and called it a night.


My mom was really struggling with turning 60. She said she woke up with the blahs over it, but as the night ended she was nothing but grins and smiles. I think she had a really good birthday and I hope it is one she remembers. I kept telling her, "Mom, its going to come rather you want it or not...SO BRING IT ON!"

She brought it the only way she knows how, with love, grace, and finally acceptance! HAPPY 60th MOMMY! Thank you for all you do for everyone of us. You truly are an amazing mom, and it was a pleasure celebrating your day with you! I LOVE YOU!!!