HOORAY!!!

Okay, so this is going to be a personal post, but I am so excited I have to share!

As you all know I am chunky, I say that word because I HATE the word fat, I think it just sounds mean. Now, I know I am, but I think "chunky" makes it easier for me to deal with. LOL, I am a nerd I know.

Anyway, so back in April my Dad and Kel started talking to me about a new diet, the HCG diet. Well, it is pretty intense and takes a lot of commitment to do it. It entails an injection every day, and only consuming 500 calories. So, my mom and I went to a presentation to see if it was something I thought would really work for me.

Here is a side note and a bit of a history. I have never in my life experienced what it is like to be thin, not even slender. I came out at 9 lbs 14 oz, was two weeks early, and the doctor told my parents I was a month old. All of my siblings are very fit and gorgeous but I always have fallen short when it came to being comfortable with where I stood weight wise. I have never let it hold me back, but it always has made me question what people are truly thinking about me.

I have a lot of medical problems. My insulin is literally off the charts, and the doctors have never seen numbers as high as mine. Therefore, my body turns everything I eat and drink into fat. I have been on medication for this, and just within the last year have I been able to maintain my weight. Shortly after I graduated from college my body spun out of control. I was constantly gaining weight and no matter what I did it would keep gaining. I think a lot of people just thought I wasn't watching my intake or proportions or ....but internally it was making me crazy. I have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome, no progesterone, to much testosterone, I'm hypoglycemic and my list goes on and on. I have recently labeled myself a medical disaster.

I started seeing doctors about different things when I was 20. And since then I feel like everytime I go in they come back with something else and a new med or a new doctor I need to go see. It is always heartbreaking for me to hear the new news because I just think, great what else. Now, I realize I am very fortunate in MANY aspects because I am not diagnosed with a terminal disease. However, to live my life obese is heartbreaking for me. I want to be the fun mom, I want to be someone Carter is happy to have as a mom, not an embarassment. But, I just got to the point I didn't know what to do. I had come to terms that I was going to spend my life overweight. But, I kept telling myself as long as my meds keep my weight maintained, I will be okay. Even though I hated looking in the mirror, seeing pictures of how I used to look and how I look now, etc.

Anyway, there is a very simple look at somethings. So, 37 days ago I started the HCG diet. It has been challenging, but I have been very committed. It is not cheap and I feel like if I have a chance of being happy with me physically, I need to step up to the plate and do what it takes to get my weight down. Hopefully in doing this, my meds and being a lot more aware will help me maintain my weight as I drop.

Well, this diet says a pound a day for forty days. I have not hit that mark due to a change in meds that stopped me from losing for 9 days. But as of today, I am down 30 lbs! I have hit numbers I haven't seen since before my wedding! OMG I am so excited.

So, last night Jocelyn and I were putting on her wedding dress, and I got this idea that I should see if mine fit again. You see, probably 3 months after I said, "I do," my dress was way to little. I couldn't even attempt to put it on because it was so small. So last night I pulled out the old gown, and was willing to suck it in and squeeze and pull to get into the damn thing. But...I put it on...and....it zipped RIGHT UP!!!! It fit better last night then it did on my actual wedding day!!!! I was so excited that it really made my eyes feel with tears.


Anyway, I am continuing to do this diet and am ever so grateful for those who helped me do it! I feel the best I have felt in so long and am finally beginning to believe there is hope out there for me to not be the fat embarassing mom I have feared. So...that's it! I just wanted to post because I am so very, very excited to finally be feeling better!