Today is a very special day for me, it is my god-son's birthday. I wanted to take a moment and write about him, because I don't want him to ever think I have forgotten him. So, in his honor, I am going to tell his story.
Five years ago today was one of the scariest, yet most anticipated, happiest days of my younger life. On March 31, 2004 Dominic Paul Roll was born. My best friend Ashley and I had been shopping at Payless about 9 months before and called to get the results of a pregnancy test she had taken just on a whim. The nurse told her the test had come back positive. She hung up and immediately called again. Again, the nurse told her she was pregnant. I truly thought Ash was pulling my chain, so I called and the nurse said to me, "Honey, I'm sorry the test is positive...You are pregnant!"
Well, Ash was in tears, and I was in shock. We weren't really expecting her to be pregnant! So, the first thing that came to my mind was to say, "CONGRATULATIONS, you are going to be a mommy!" In my head I am thinking, "What in the hell are we going to do, we are only 20, the dad is not worth a damn, and Ash is going to have a baby!"
But, we took the results and never looked back. The father didn't want anything to do with Ashley or the baby, so I was fortunate enough to kind of fill in that place. I talked to Ashley every day, talked to the belly every day, went to the doctors with her when I could, went to fetal photo on her 21st birthday and found out "we" were having a boy. We decided on the name Dominic and Paul as a middle name after Nathan. Then it became a hurray up and wait for the baby to get here.
At about 6 months Ashley was at a routine ultra-sound, and they detected Dominic had a heart problem. They told her his heart was growing on the outside of his body. They suggested an abortion, but told her she could keep the baby til term if she wanted but the chances of him surviving were not real high.
Ashley hesitated for about one night, and after a dream and some serious contemplation, she determined she was going to finish out this pregnancy and give Dominic a fighting chance. It was really scary for her, but she was radiant and took great care of herself and her body while she was pregnant. They told her she would have to have a c-section because the thin layer of skin, protecting the heart, could tear if she gave birth vaginally. They then told us March 31, would be the day.
So, that morning I was in Logan going to school. I went and did my practicum and took off at 10:15, I had to make it to the U of U by 12 if I wanted to see Ashley before the baby was born. The whole time I was driving, I kept thinking, "Please let this little boy live, but please don't let it be a life of suffering." I don't remember very many times feeling this worried.
I got to the U and met my sisters and Ashley there. We did pictures and tried to keep the conversation light, because we had no idea what the next few hours would bring. When it was time for Ash to go have her baby there were so many emotions. I just looked at her and said, "You can do this, I'll see you when you get out."
About 30 minutes later, a life flight team, wheeled Dominic out. He was 8 lbs 4 oz, I think, and 21 inches long. He looked very healthy, except for the little heart that was beating on the outside of his skin, where his belly button should be.
Dominic lived for 12 days. He was a hell of a fighter and gave us such joy. After meeting after meeting, and the toughest decisions of Ashley's life, they took him off of life support on Easter. Dom passed away 12 hours later.
I don't know if anyone will ever quite understand how much defining and growing up Ashley and I did those nine months. We truly began to realize the heartache and the joy life can bring. Dominic holds a very special place in all of the hearts he touched. He was a beautiful little boy with a spirit so strong. He was sent here with a purpose and I know he filled it.
Dominic, Happy 5th birthday! I can't believe you would have been five today! The time has gone by quickly but the void in our hearts will never be filled. Please watch over your mom today, as she continues to struggle dealing with your birthday. I love you and hope you are playing in fields of grass to celebrate your day! Happy birthday baby boy, I love you!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
A NIGHT OUT!
Last night Dustin, Carter and I had a family night out and it was so much fun! A friend of mine has season tickets to the Jazz, and she couldn't make this game, and offered them to me. I took them, and then debated if we were going to use them or give them to my sister. The last time we got them we gave the tickets to Stac and Bri as a thank you for helping us out. But, this time I felt like Dustin and I could really use a night out together that is different then usual.
So...we were looking through the weekly mailers and found a buy one entree, get one free at the Blue Iguana downtown. So for $12 we had a great Mexican meal and were able to eat at a restuarant we haven't been to in years, literally!
We then headed over to a parking lot where my uncle parks cars, a block away from Energy Solutions, and he had saved us a great parking spot! It was very easy to walk to and right by the arena...(it will ALWAYS be the Delta Center to me!)
Anyway, once we got there we found our seats and they were AMAZING! We got there in the second quarter and the Jazz were up by 19! I thought it would be a boring game...definitely was not a boring game AT ALL! We played the Phoenix Suns, and can I just note that Shaquel O'Neal, forgive the spelling, is a freaking moose. He is so dang big, I just couldn't stop staring at him.
The people in front of us were Suns fans, and that caused some great fun and commotion with the others surrounding us. We all sat next to two very nice women who fell in love with Carter! They held him and passed him back and forth down the entire line, and he just loved all the attention the entire time!
The game went into overtime, yes that means the second half was VERY rough for the Jazz, but they came out at the beginning of overtime and got back into the game. Darrin Williams really stepped up and helped give the Jazz a victory. GREAT GAME! I am so glad we went.
I decided to see how much a little Jazz beanie would be for Carter, thinking it would be cute for him to be a young fan. So, Dustin and I stood in line forever, then when it was finally our turn, the lady was a total B.I.!!! I asked if she had a beanie with a little rim in front this was her EXACT answer, "I hope you are with him," (looking at Dustin) "and no I don't!." Then the nice woman, walked away! She TOALLY dismissed us. So, I was my nice, mellow self, and told Dustin we were leaving. So much for a little hat for Peanut! Oh well!
We then decided we needed some ice cream. So, we spent 15 minutes at the Sonic drive-up waiting to be helped, and when they still hadn't even taken our order, we went to Sconecutter. We both got a raspberry and snickers yogurt for me and ice cream for Dustin, then went home.
Carter had a lot of fun. Before we were even out of the parking lot he was sound asleep. He handled the noise, the crowds, and the entire night out beautifully! We had a great time and were so glad we could take Carter out to enjoy it with us!
So...we were looking through the weekly mailers and found a buy one entree, get one free at the Blue Iguana downtown. So for $12 we had a great Mexican meal and were able to eat at a restuarant we haven't been to in years, literally!
We then headed over to a parking lot where my uncle parks cars, a block away from Energy Solutions, and he had saved us a great parking spot! It was very easy to walk to and right by the arena...(it will ALWAYS be the Delta Center to me!)
Anyway, once we got there we found our seats and they were AMAZING! We got there in the second quarter and the Jazz were up by 19! I thought it would be a boring game...definitely was not a boring game AT ALL! We played the Phoenix Suns, and can I just note that Shaquel O'Neal, forgive the spelling, is a freaking moose. He is so dang big, I just couldn't stop staring at him.
The people in front of us were Suns fans, and that caused some great fun and commotion with the others surrounding us. We all sat next to two very nice women who fell in love with Carter! They held him and passed him back and forth down the entire line, and he just loved all the attention the entire time!
The game went into overtime, yes that means the second half was VERY rough for the Jazz, but they came out at the beginning of overtime and got back into the game. Darrin Williams really stepped up and helped give the Jazz a victory. GREAT GAME! I am so glad we went.
I decided to see how much a little Jazz beanie would be for Carter, thinking it would be cute for him to be a young fan. So, Dustin and I stood in line forever, then when it was finally our turn, the lady was a total B.I.!!! I asked if she had a beanie with a little rim in front this was her EXACT answer, "I hope you are with him," (looking at Dustin) "and no I don't!." Then the nice woman, walked away! She TOALLY dismissed us. So, I was my nice, mellow self, and told Dustin we were leaving. So much for a little hat for Peanut! Oh well!
We then decided we needed some ice cream. So, we spent 15 minutes at the Sonic drive-up waiting to be helped, and when they still hadn't even taken our order, we went to Sconecutter. We both got a raspberry and snickers yogurt for me and ice cream for Dustin, then went home.
Carter had a lot of fun. Before we were even out of the parking lot he was sound asleep. He handled the noise, the crowds, and the entire night out beautifully! We had a great time and were so glad we could take Carter out to enjoy it with us!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Chris and Jocelyn Say I Do...
On Saturday, March 21, my little sister Jocelyn married her sweetheart, Chris. They called and announced their engagement to the family two weeks ago, and it was a tornado ever since. However, it turned out PERFECT! 
Jocelyn and Chris flew into Salt Lake on Friday, went and got a marriage certificate, and then separated. Chris went and got a tux, and Jocelyn, Mom, Stacy, and I went and got pedicures. It was a lot of fun to spend sometime with the girls. Jocelyn and I then went to B-town to pick up her dress, and then went back to mom's to determine which jewelry to wear. I kissed her goodnight at about 11:30 Friday night, and went home.
Saturday morning came very quickly, and I was up to get ready and back to mom's house by 7:30. Mom, Joc, and I went and got J's hair done and she then did her make-up. My little sister looked gorgeous! We then went to the church and started putting her into her gown and adding final touches.
Jocelyn and Chris were married at the chapel at "This is The Place Heritage Park." It was very quaint and very nice. The weather was perfect, and had a very springy feel to it, I think it was a GREAT wedding kind of day!
Jocelyn and Chris were able to exchange their vows in front of their parents, siblings, and grandparents. It was so nice and you could see the love between the two radiating. I think the bishop had more nerves up there then Jocelyn and Chris combined.
After the bride and groom exchanged their vows, they had pictures taken and spent some time recording their moment. We had pictures of all the families, grandparents, and of course just the bride and groom. We were then headed to Grand America for a lunch buffet.
Grand America had a fabulous atmosphere and the food was great! Jocelyn and Chris had a wedding cake,
and they were nicer to one another then I expected. My dad then wrote a beautiful toast, and mom gave the newly-weds a journey jar that had a very nice reading to go along with it. Then Chris's dad gave a toast, and Jocelyn shared the story of the engagement. It was perfect! 
In the short amount of time that was given to prepare a ceremony and luncheon, I think it turned out beautifully. I believe everything looked great, and they were able to share their moment with close family. There is going to be a reception in June for all of the friends and family to attend, while Chris is between training and deployment to Afghanistan.
Jocelyn and Chris....I wish nothing but the perfect life for the two of you. You have been through so much together already, and your life is just beginning. I couldn't be more happy with you two finding one another and am anxious to see all the excitement brings to the two of you! I love you both and look forward to spending some time with you two! Congratulations, and Chris...welcome to our family!
Jocelyn and Chris flew into Salt Lake on Friday, went and got a marriage certificate, and then separated. Chris went and got a tux, and Jocelyn, Mom, Stacy, and I went and got pedicures. It was a lot of fun to spend sometime with the girls. Jocelyn and I then went to B-town to pick up her dress, and then went back to mom's to determine which jewelry to wear. I kissed her goodnight at about 11:30 Friday night, and went home.
Saturday morning came very quickly, and I was up to get ready and back to mom's house by 7:30. Mom, Joc, and I went and got J's hair done and she then did her make-up. My little sister looked gorgeous! We then went to the church and started putting her into her gown and adding final touches.
Jocelyn and Chris were married at the chapel at "This is The Place Heritage Park." It was very quaint and very nice. The weather was perfect, and had a very springy feel to it, I think it was a GREAT wedding kind of day!
Jocelyn and Chris were able to exchange their vows in front of their parents, siblings, and grandparents. It was so nice and you could see the love between the two radiating. I think the bishop had more nerves up there then Jocelyn and Chris combined.
After the bride and groom exchanged their vows, they had pictures taken and spent some time recording their moment. We had pictures of all the families, grandparents, and of course just the bride and groom. We were then headed to Grand America for a lunch buffet.
Grand America had a fabulous atmosphere and the food was great! Jocelyn and Chris had a wedding cake,
and they were nicer to one another then I expected. My dad then wrote a beautiful toast, and mom gave the newly-weds a journey jar that had a very nice reading to go along with it. Then Chris's dad gave a toast, and Jocelyn shared the story of the engagement. It was perfect! 
In the short amount of time that was given to prepare a ceremony and luncheon, I think it turned out beautifully. I believe everything looked great, and they were able to share their moment with close family. There is going to be a reception in June for all of the friends and family to attend, while Chris is between training and deployment to Afghanistan.
Jocelyn and Chris....I wish nothing but the perfect life for the two of you. You have been through so much together already, and your life is just beginning. I couldn't be more happy with you two finding one another and am anxious to see all the excitement brings to the two of you! I love you both and look forward to spending some time with you two! Congratulations, and Chris...welcome to our family!
ANOTHER ONE!!!
So, this past weekend Carter had been fussier then usual. He really is usually a really good baby with not much crying unless he is sick, tired, or hungry. Well, on Saturday he was a little more fussy then usual, but yesterday he just cried all day. I kept trying to figure out what was going on, and the only thing I could think of was maybe he had an ear infection.
Well, last night at 3:00 am, he woke up SCREAMING. It wasn't just a little fussy fussy, he was screaming. I rushed into his room, picked him up and he gave me the saddest look. I put him in bed with Dustin and I and as long as I had his head on my arm he was okay. (Not the most comfortable way to sleep for another three hours, but oh well!)
As I was driving into work, I just kept trying to figure out what is wrong with Carter. The only thing that kept coming back to me was maybe another ear infection. So, I called the doctor, made an appointment, and Dustin took him in. Guess what, Carter has ANOTHER ear infection!
We took Carter to the doctor on March 4, because we thought he might have RSV. It turned out then he had an ear infection! We put him on antibiotics, and he got off of them on the 14th. So, I am really frustrated that he is having another one. This is his third one in three months. Not good!
I am starting to wonder if I should ask my doctor about tubes. I have no idea how many times you have to have an ear infection within so long, but I can't help but wonder if it would be the better thing to do. I am so worried about them being chronic and I don't like the idea of giving him tons of antibiotics, and risking the scarring of ear infections. However, I don't want to jump into Carter going under for anesthesia either. Any ideas or feedback are greatly appreciated!
Well, last night at 3:00 am, he woke up SCREAMING. It wasn't just a little fussy fussy, he was screaming. I rushed into his room, picked him up and he gave me the saddest look. I put him in bed with Dustin and I and as long as I had his head on my arm he was okay. (Not the most comfortable way to sleep for another three hours, but oh well!)
As I was driving into work, I just kept trying to figure out what is wrong with Carter. The only thing that kept coming back to me was maybe another ear infection. So, I called the doctor, made an appointment, and Dustin took him in. Guess what, Carter has ANOTHER ear infection!
We took Carter to the doctor on March 4, because we thought he might have RSV. It turned out then he had an ear infection! We put him on antibiotics, and he got off of them on the 14th. So, I am really frustrated that he is having another one. This is his third one in three months. Not good!
I am starting to wonder if I should ask my doctor about tubes. I have no idea how many times you have to have an ear infection within so long, but I can't help but wonder if it would be the better thing to do. I am so worried about them being chronic and I don't like the idea of giving him tons of antibiotics, and risking the scarring of ear infections. However, I don't want to jump into Carter going under for anesthesia either. Any ideas or feedback are greatly appreciated!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
The Downfall of a Working Mommy!
So, yesterday right after work I get a text message from Dustin. It says, "Have to be in at work tomorrow at 8 am due to a safety meeting." With that text comes instant sadness because I know what I have to do.
My sister, Stacy, babysits Carter for us and we are ever so grateful. She is currently prego and has a soon to be two year old of her own, and yet takes on my little man. Needless to say, her days get long when she has Carter. So, we always try to get Dustin to go in at 1:30 and have two week days off, so that Carter is only with Stacy for 3 days during the week for a couple hours each day. Sounds easy, right? Well, it isn't!
This week Dustin's schedule is 100% off because of Jocelyn's wedding on Saturday. So he is working all 5 week day's and then has the weekend off. This is great for my immediate family because we finally get a day off together, first time in a month! However, it makes our work week hell.
Last week we had talked to my mother-in-law and she had agreed to take Carter on Wednesday and then we would go get him Thursday. No BIG deal, I can handle one night without my Peanut. However, with the text that Dustin sent yesterday, things had to change completely. Having Stacy take Carter for a full day, when she already had a doctors appointment and an injured foot, would be to much for her. So, I had to call my mother-in-law and see if she could watch him today as well.
Still not seeming like a big deal...right? Well, hang on there is more. My sister-in-law also needed my mother-in-law to take her son to school. So, my mother-in-law would not be able to come get Carter until about 9:15 and Stacy had her doctor appointment at 8:50. So, I had to give Carter up last night! Which means, I will not have my baby last night, tonight, or tomorrow night! That is THREE nights without my son. I'm not gonna lied, I cried like a 4 year old!
I truly was so sad to give Carter to my sister-in-law last night. I know he is in great care, and I don't worry about him at all, I just miss my little guy. Luckily there turned out to be a family dinner tonight for St. Patty's Day, and I will see him for a little bit, but then I won't see him AT ALL tomorrow and not till about 4:30 on Thursday. That has NEVER happened. I have never gone a full day without my little guy! :-(
Last night at 1:30 Dustin rolls over and says to me, "I miss our Little Guy!" I got instant tears and said, "Me too!" There was not much we could do about the situation, and it is what it is, but we don't have to like it!!!
I've always known I would be a working Mommy. I usually don't mind being a working Mommy. I feel like I have picked a pretty good job since I do have to work. However, last night when I was watching "Dancing With The Stars" and Carter wasn't there next to me, I thought, "and here is a major downfall to being a working Mommy!"
My sister, Stacy, babysits Carter for us and we are ever so grateful. She is currently prego and has a soon to be two year old of her own, and yet takes on my little man. Needless to say, her days get long when she has Carter. So, we always try to get Dustin to go in at 1:30 and have two week days off, so that Carter is only with Stacy for 3 days during the week for a couple hours each day. Sounds easy, right? Well, it isn't!
This week Dustin's schedule is 100% off because of Jocelyn's wedding on Saturday. So he is working all 5 week day's and then has the weekend off. This is great for my immediate family because we finally get a day off together, first time in a month! However, it makes our work week hell.
Last week we had talked to my mother-in-law and she had agreed to take Carter on Wednesday and then we would go get him Thursday. No BIG deal, I can handle one night without my Peanut. However, with the text that Dustin sent yesterday, things had to change completely. Having Stacy take Carter for a full day, when she already had a doctors appointment and an injured foot, would be to much for her. So, I had to call my mother-in-law and see if she could watch him today as well.
Still not seeming like a big deal...right? Well, hang on there is more. My sister-in-law also needed my mother-in-law to take her son to school. So, my mother-in-law would not be able to come get Carter until about 9:15 and Stacy had her doctor appointment at 8:50. So, I had to give Carter up last night! Which means, I will not have my baby last night, tonight, or tomorrow night! That is THREE nights without my son. I'm not gonna lied, I cried like a 4 year old!
I truly was so sad to give Carter to my sister-in-law last night. I know he is in great care, and I don't worry about him at all, I just miss my little guy. Luckily there turned out to be a family dinner tonight for St. Patty's Day, and I will see him for a little bit, but then I won't see him AT ALL tomorrow and not till about 4:30 on Thursday. That has NEVER happened. I have never gone a full day without my little guy! :-(
Last night at 1:30 Dustin rolls over and says to me, "I miss our Little Guy!" I got instant tears and said, "Me too!" There was not much we could do about the situation, and it is what it is, but we don't have to like it!!!
I've always known I would be a working Mommy. I usually don't mind being a working Mommy. I feel like I have picked a pretty good job since I do have to work. However, last night when I was watching "Dancing With The Stars" and Carter wasn't there next to me, I thought, "and here is a major downfall to being a working Mommy!"
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