...Or, is it, I am much to old to feel this damn young? I honestly don't know.
I usually try to keep my blog pretty light. I don't love to necessarily document the rought times, but I feel like there has been quite a bit going on lately and I just need to write some thoughts down.
A couple weeks ago, a friend of mine had a pretty rough night. She ended up making some rough decisions and ended up in the back of an ambulance. It was 1:30 in the morning and here I am riding to the emergency room in an ambulance. Kind of intense, and a little scarier then I usually like my Friday nights. The only humoress event of that night was this...my friend is in the back of an ambulance, stable, and the captain puts me up front with the driver. As he closes the door, I am putting on my seatbelt and waiting to go. All of the sudden the air horn of the ambulance starts blowing...after about 25 seconds of this horrifying horn blowing in the culdesac, the captain comes back, opens my door, and asks me to remove my foot from the airhorn. LOL!!! IT WAS ME THAT WAS CAUSING THE HORN AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW...IDIOT!
Anyway, back to the serious part...my friend ended up in seizures that night, and after the third one became unresponsive. A very dear friend of mine ended up in ICU that night. Fortunately she came through, but it was a pretty terrifying experience.
Next...I feel like some of the people I hold very dear to my heart are truly struggling. It breaks me heart and makes me feel so helpless. I don't know how to help people and yet this last week, I feel like so many people need someone to listen to them, someone to help them, and someone to breathe for them so they don't drowned. It is a little exhausting, and yet I feel like I HAVE to do this!
I had another friend recently who's family member is heavily involved in illegal drugs and activity. We know this, we know how involved, and recently, the family had to decide if the family member wasn't able to help themself, they were going to have to cut strings for awhile. To many people were in danger. It breaks my heart knowing the hell this family is going through, knowing their son officially does not have a place to call home until he is able to straighten some things out.
I have several friends who are in very difficult situations with their marriage, and I hate seeing that pain. I feel like so many find marriage as something that can so easily be thrown away these days, and find so few willing to really fight and try to save their families. It breaks my heart. It devastates me to know so many believe walking away is the best solution. I just wish some would fight for what they committed to, for the sake of their children, their family, and themselves.
I have another friend who is struggling with her child who is fighting an addiction on a hard drug. I see how much it eats at her, as a mother, and yet has no idea how to help her daughter. I can't even imagine the fears and thoughts that go through her mind daily.
This past weekend, I had a bit of an emotional breakdown. I feel like so many people are struggling right now. I feel like so many people need a break, a glimpse of hope, an answer to a prayer, something so they know they aren't alone. Something to protect them to survive their current struggles. They need hope...they need faith...and they need to find a way to cope, in a healthy manner, with their struggles.
I am usually not one who has a lot of drama going on in my life, and yet these last few weeks I feel like I have had a good amount and its been a lot. It is time for things to start to mellow down for all of these people who I love so dearly. I am exhausted, I can only imagine how each of them are feeling. So...here is a prayer to my God...
Thank you for the blessings in my life. Thank you for a family and friend support system that gets me through my struggles. Please protect the ones in my life who I love so dearly. Please watch over each of them while they live their life and walk through their struggles. Please give each of them some sort of guiding hand to lead them in a positive direction. I ask of this humbly...Amen.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Memorial Weekend
This has been quite the weekend. We have had our laughs; but I am officially exhausted!
Friday afternoon, Dustin and I got home from work, packed our car, and headed to Logan. We had to stop for drinks and then gas, and before we knew it we didn't make it up to Logan until about 8:30 pm. Once we were there, we ate dinner, got Peanut ready for bed, and then just relaxed with the family. Mandy, Kristie and her family, and Larry and Sandy were there. We just hung out for the evening, and I called it a night by 10:30 or so.
Saturday morning, we met my Aunt Tammy and Uncle Craig at my favorite breakfast restaurant, ANGIES! The food was great, like always, and the company even better. We then went back to their house, to visit their friends the Hueys. Their daughter has a little girl, Izzie, who is 8 days older then Peanut, so they had a good time with parallel play.
We then went back to my in-laws where I began getting ready. It was our night for Sex and the City 2, and all of us girls were quite excited. Aimee and her kids came up and we had fun dressing up for our movie. It is Aimee's birthday and we decided that Sex and the City was the perfect way to celebrate! The movie was very funny and light. I LOVE Sex and the City! It is just such a fun series for women.
When we got home we made dinner, watched some television, and had a couple drinks. I suddenly became extremely sleepy, and though I would have enjoyed the company and socializing, my body couldn't handle it. So, again, I was in bed by about 10:00. Dustin and his sisters were up until 4, hot tubbing and kicking a few back. It sounds like they had a really good time.
Sunday Carter enjoyed some time with his cousin Madi. They took a bubble bath...
ate some breakfast...
played with toys... 
and sat on the big kid swing
. This was the first weekend the two toddlers actually played together, and they were the best of friends. 
We packed our bags after breakfast, and after playing on the Rhino and some of the toys, we called it a trip. We headed south and went to my mom's where we had a barbecue. We got to hang out with my sisters and family, plus my grandmother came by. It was so nice to spend time with all of them!
We then had a gathering at Nathan's. We had several friends over and kicked back a few drinks. We got in the hot-tub, shared our stories, and then called it a night. We had one ginormeous sleep over at Nathan's. This morning we made breakfast, some of us got back in the hot tub, then planned for another bbq.
All and all we had a pretty good weekend. There were a lot of emotional side events that occurred, but I wanted to make sure to document the good times. We are very lucky for the friends and family we have! And are grateful for all who have served to give us our freedom. Happy Memorial Day!
Friday afternoon, Dustin and I got home from work, packed our car, and headed to Logan. We had to stop for drinks and then gas, and before we knew it we didn't make it up to Logan until about 8:30 pm. Once we were there, we ate dinner, got Peanut ready for bed, and then just relaxed with the family. Mandy, Kristie and her family, and Larry and Sandy were there. We just hung out for the evening, and I called it a night by 10:30 or so.
Saturday morning, we met my Aunt Tammy and Uncle Craig at my favorite breakfast restaurant, ANGIES! The food was great, like always, and the company even better. We then went back to their house, to visit their friends the Hueys. Their daughter has a little girl, Izzie, who is 8 days older then Peanut, so they had a good time with parallel play.
We then went back to my in-laws where I began getting ready. It was our night for Sex and the City 2, and all of us girls were quite excited. Aimee and her kids came up and we had fun dressing up for our movie. It is Aimee's birthday and we decided that Sex and the City was the perfect way to celebrate! The movie was very funny and light. I LOVE Sex and the City! It is just such a fun series for women.
When we got home we made dinner, watched some television, and had a couple drinks. I suddenly became extremely sleepy, and though I would have enjoyed the company and socializing, my body couldn't handle it. So, again, I was in bed by about 10:00. Dustin and his sisters were up until 4, hot tubbing and kicking a few back. It sounds like they had a really good time.
Sunday Carter enjoyed some time with his cousin Madi. They took a bubble bath...
ate some breakfast...
played with toys... 
and sat on the big kid swing
. This was the first weekend the two toddlers actually played together, and they were the best of friends. 
We packed our bags after breakfast, and after playing on the Rhino and some of the toys, we called it a trip. We headed south and went to my mom's where we had a barbecue. We got to hang out with my sisters and family, plus my grandmother came by. It was so nice to spend time with all of them!
We then had a gathering at Nathan's. We had several friends over and kicked back a few drinks. We got in the hot-tub, shared our stories, and then called it a night. We had one ginormeous sleep over at Nathan's. This morning we made breakfast, some of us got back in the hot tub, then planned for another bbq.
All and all we had a pretty good weekend. There were a lot of emotional side events that occurred, but I wanted to make sure to document the good times. We are very lucky for the friends and family we have! And are grateful for all who have served to give us our freedom. Happy Memorial Day!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
How...
Today I have been spending time with my little man. I had him over at NeeNer's and Grandpa's tonight playing with his aunts and cousins. He is full of laughter, joy, happiness, innocence and truly the meaning of my life.
Tonight, I got home, turned on my computer and noticed a friend had joined a group on Facebook. "NATHAN SLOOP AND STEPHANIE SLOOP DESERVE THE DEATH PENALTY" This immediately brought so many feelings to surface and I now feel like I have to blog about my feelings on this case. When I type this, I am physically in pain, because I can't even imagine what the last few days of Ethan Stacey's life were like.
Ethan Stacey, as many of us know, was a four year old boy who was brutally murdered by his mother and her husband. The father lives in Virginia, had petitioned not to have his son have to come to Utah, lost, and now will never again hold his Little Man in his arms. He tried to protect him, and due to the laws he will never again smell his Peanut's breath. As a daddy he will never hear his son laugh, cry, say his name ever again. I can't even imagine what that would be like and I pray to God, every day, that I never will know the feeling of life without my Snuggles in it with me.
As a parent it is our job to protect our babies. We brought our children into this world to teach them love, show them guidance, and give them the best possible life we can. It is OUR duty as their parent to be their to make sure no harm comes upon our child and if so treat them with whatever we need to, to make them well!
I feel feelings towards Nathan and Stephanie that I do not feel towards many. There has been one other case that has effected me this way and that is Destiny Hobbs story. I truly am sickened to think these two lifes were able to do such harm and cause so much hurt to a FOUR year old child! I don't know how ANY human could do such horrific things to a child. To go into detail about what was done to this little man, I simply can't do. The thought of writing it into a lifetime of memories is something I am not willing to do. However, I am willing to wish Nathan and Stephanie Sloop a permanent trip to hell. Thank God the state of Utah is doing their best to make sure the case is complete and thorough enough for these two to receive Capitol punishment. It is cases, such as this, that makes me believe it should be legal. The only thing I would suggest would be to allow the public to have their turn with them first.
Tomorrow Ethan's father will lay his son's body in the ground. He will bury his child and leave his son in his final resting place. Tomorrow family, friends, and the entire nation will have Ethan Stacey in their thoughts and prayers as we all say goodbye to him. Tomorrow, I can only pray, God wraps a special blessing around those effected by this tragedy.
Ethan...I pray to my God that you are in the happiest place out there. I have to believe that the days you were suffering someone was their comforting you in some way, making you feel some kind of protection, peace and love. I have to in order to survive the world we live in. I hope where you are, your grass is the perfect color green, your sky is an incredible shade of blue, and the love around you, that you so surely deserve, feels you with complete joy! Please stay close to your dad and the family and friends who lost you. I pray that our justice system serves you diligently! You are an amazing, strong Little Man who underwent the worst of our species. I am sorry! I am so sorry that your little life ended in the hands of the people who were supposed to be there to protect and love you. I am so sorry!
All I can say is, God Speed Ethan Stacey!
Tonight, I got home, turned on my computer and noticed a friend had joined a group on Facebook. "NATHAN SLOOP AND STEPHANIE SLOOP DESERVE THE DEATH PENALTY" This immediately brought so many feelings to surface and I now feel like I have to blog about my feelings on this case. When I type this, I am physically in pain, because I can't even imagine what the last few days of Ethan Stacey's life were like.
Ethan Stacey, as many of us know, was a four year old boy who was brutally murdered by his mother and her husband. The father lives in Virginia, had petitioned not to have his son have to come to Utah, lost, and now will never again hold his Little Man in his arms. He tried to protect him, and due to the laws he will never again smell his Peanut's breath. As a daddy he will never hear his son laugh, cry, say his name ever again. I can't even imagine what that would be like and I pray to God, every day, that I never will know the feeling of life without my Snuggles in it with me.
As a parent it is our job to protect our babies. We brought our children into this world to teach them love, show them guidance, and give them the best possible life we can. It is OUR duty as their parent to be their to make sure no harm comes upon our child and if so treat them with whatever we need to, to make them well!
I feel feelings towards Nathan and Stephanie that I do not feel towards many. There has been one other case that has effected me this way and that is Destiny Hobbs story. I truly am sickened to think these two lifes were able to do such harm and cause so much hurt to a FOUR year old child! I don't know how ANY human could do such horrific things to a child. To go into detail about what was done to this little man, I simply can't do. The thought of writing it into a lifetime of memories is something I am not willing to do. However, I am willing to wish Nathan and Stephanie Sloop a permanent trip to hell. Thank God the state of Utah is doing their best to make sure the case is complete and thorough enough for these two to receive Capitol punishment. It is cases, such as this, that makes me believe it should be legal. The only thing I would suggest would be to allow the public to have their turn with them first.
Tomorrow Ethan's father will lay his son's body in the ground. He will bury his child and leave his son in his final resting place. Tomorrow family, friends, and the entire nation will have Ethan Stacey in their thoughts and prayers as we all say goodbye to him. Tomorrow, I can only pray, God wraps a special blessing around those effected by this tragedy.
Ethan...I pray to my God that you are in the happiest place out there. I have to believe that the days you were suffering someone was their comforting you in some way, making you feel some kind of protection, peace and love. I have to in order to survive the world we live in. I hope where you are, your grass is the perfect color green, your sky is an incredible shade of blue, and the love around you, that you so surely deserve, feels you with complete joy! Please stay close to your dad and the family and friends who lost you. I pray that our justice system serves you diligently! You are an amazing, strong Little Man who underwent the worst of our species. I am sorry! I am so sorry that your little life ended in the hands of the people who were supposed to be there to protect and love you. I am so sorry!
All I can say is, God Speed Ethan Stacey!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Who's Gonna Be There?
****"You find out who your friends are;Somebody's gonna drop everything;Run out and crank up their car;Hit the gas, get there fast;Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far';They just show on up with their big old heart; You find out who your friends are....~Tracy Lawrence"****
In my lifetime, I have been an incredibly lucky girl. I have had a group of friends for the last 15 years that would do anything for me, and I know it. I know there are so many people out there who cannot say that, and it breaks my heart, because I don't know what that feeling would be like.
I have a group of friends who have seen me through the best and worst times of my life, and I can honestly say I have no idea where my life would have gone if I didn't have this support system through those times. We have been through marriages, deaths, divorces, kids, school, moments where you don't know how you are going to breathe due to sadness and laughter! I have a group of friends who I could call up at any minute of my life, day or night, say I need you, and would have them. I am blessed and I know I am.
We have been through our own friend trials, but I never have worried that we wouldn't speak again because we are way to close to not make it through those times. Our children play together, our lives revolve around one another, and we are family. They are people I call upon when I need to tell a story, vent, cry, or just not be alone. They are my people, my cronies, my go to. And I thank God that I have them.
I have a group of people, that may not all hang out together, but are people I know are there for ME.
I have a friend and we are each others person...what does that entail, it means when she found out she was pregnant I was the second person to know on her first pregnancy and the first on her second. She received my phone calls for every adoption placement opportunity and would let me share my excitement and my sadness when they fell through and then was there to rejoice in pure joy when we got Carter. She was the first person I called on my pregnancy, 10:30 at night, and we shared tears together of joy that I got to have that phone call with her. We then shared tears together when it was over, and she has been there through so much with me. I cry now because looking back, it meant so much to me to have that call with her and made it all worth everything because I had that moment with Ally.
I have a group of sisters who I know would do anything for me. They have been my backbone when I didn't think I could stand any more. They have been people who have never given up on me, even when my decisions wouldn't have been what they would do. They laugh with me, love me, and know so much about my deepest thoughts and fears and can relate because of how much life we have shared together. They are people I can call upon for help, knowledge, strength, frustration, etc. They are the best group of sisters I could ask for and I love them all!
I have a group of friends who have been in my life for so many years I can't even count and every minute with them is an amazing memory, good or bad. We have grown up together and grown together. Our lives intertwine and we make it a top priority to have time together and make sure we don't grow apart. They are my Sunday breakfast group at Virg's. They are one of the best parts of my week.
Then I have Nathan...my Buppy...he is truly the kind of friend that can't be replaced. He has been my best friend for so damn long, and I am so grateful for all he's been to me. He has been my place of safety when I was a kid going through a divorce. He was my place to be me and be accepted. Most of my craziest moments in my life have been spent with him next to me, having a ball! He has been the person my family has adopted as one of their own because of the relationship we share. He adores Carter, and loves the role he plays in his life. He provides for everyone and openly provides his home so we can have our get togethers and spend time with one another. He is the one I can go drink a margarita with and talk about everything or nothing and understand completely what the other person is thinking and going through. We have supported one another in so many ways and know we will be the friends that grow old together, sit around a table at breakfast when we are 70 and laugh until we cry with all the stories we shared together.
At last I have Dustin. The person who understands me completely and still loves me. He is the person I can tell anything to and not worry if his opinion will change of me. We definitely hit rough patches, but are both willing to work through them so that we get to be a family. There is so much more to Dustin, but I wanted this blog to be about my friends outside of my marriage...LOVE YOU BABE!
I am so lucky to have every single one of you in my life. Without my friends I honestly don't know where I would be. I know I wouldn't be the person I am because you are the ones who have defined so much of me. I wish I could write little blogs about every single one of you, but it would take me hours and days. So...please know this, I love every one of you. I am so grateful that you are in my life and people I can call upon in my hour of darkness or my moment of complete happiness. I hope you all know, I am here for you in your hours and treasure every moment we have together. So, the Tracy Lawrence song, at the beginning of the blog, asks a question, "who's gonna be there?" I am so fortunate to be able to say...a lot! I love you all and thanks for being my home fries!
In my lifetime, I have been an incredibly lucky girl. I have had a group of friends for the last 15 years that would do anything for me, and I know it. I know there are so many people out there who cannot say that, and it breaks my heart, because I don't know what that feeling would be like.
I have a group of friends who have seen me through the best and worst times of my life, and I can honestly say I have no idea where my life would have gone if I didn't have this support system through those times. We have been through marriages, deaths, divorces, kids, school, moments where you don't know how you are going to breathe due to sadness and laughter! I have a group of friends who I could call up at any minute of my life, day or night, say I need you, and would have them. I am blessed and I know I am.
We have been through our own friend trials, but I never have worried that we wouldn't speak again because we are way to close to not make it through those times. Our children play together, our lives revolve around one another, and we are family. They are people I call upon when I need to tell a story, vent, cry, or just not be alone. They are my people, my cronies, my go to. And I thank God that I have them.
I have a group of people, that may not all hang out together, but are people I know are there for ME.
I have a friend and we are each others person...what does that entail, it means when she found out she was pregnant I was the second person to know on her first pregnancy and the first on her second. She received my phone calls for every adoption placement opportunity and would let me share my excitement and my sadness when they fell through and then was there to rejoice in pure joy when we got Carter. She was the first person I called on my pregnancy, 10:30 at night, and we shared tears together of joy that I got to have that phone call with her. We then shared tears together when it was over, and she has been there through so much with me. I cry now because looking back, it meant so much to me to have that call with her and made it all worth everything because I had that moment with Ally.
I have a group of sisters who I know would do anything for me. They have been my backbone when I didn't think I could stand any more. They have been people who have never given up on me, even when my decisions wouldn't have been what they would do. They laugh with me, love me, and know so much about my deepest thoughts and fears and can relate because of how much life we have shared together. They are people I can call upon for help, knowledge, strength, frustration, etc. They are the best group of sisters I could ask for and I love them all!
I have a group of friends who have been in my life for so many years I can't even count and every minute with them is an amazing memory, good or bad. We have grown up together and grown together. Our lives intertwine and we make it a top priority to have time together and make sure we don't grow apart. They are my Sunday breakfast group at Virg's. They are one of the best parts of my week.
Then I have Nathan...my Buppy...he is truly the kind of friend that can't be replaced. He has been my best friend for so damn long, and I am so grateful for all he's been to me. He has been my place of safety when I was a kid going through a divorce. He was my place to be me and be accepted. Most of my craziest moments in my life have been spent with him next to me, having a ball! He has been the person my family has adopted as one of their own because of the relationship we share. He adores Carter, and loves the role he plays in his life. He provides for everyone and openly provides his home so we can have our get togethers and spend time with one another. He is the one I can go drink a margarita with and talk about everything or nothing and understand completely what the other person is thinking and going through. We have supported one another in so many ways and know we will be the friends that grow old together, sit around a table at breakfast when we are 70 and laugh until we cry with all the stories we shared together.
At last I have Dustin. The person who understands me completely and still loves me. He is the person I can tell anything to and not worry if his opinion will change of me. We definitely hit rough patches, but are both willing to work through them so that we get to be a family. There is so much more to Dustin, but I wanted this blog to be about my friends outside of my marriage...LOVE YOU BABE!
I am so lucky to have every single one of you in my life. Without my friends I honestly don't know where I would be. I know I wouldn't be the person I am because you are the ones who have defined so much of me. I wish I could write little blogs about every single one of you, but it would take me hours and days. So...please know this, I love every one of you. I am so grateful that you are in my life and people I can call upon in my hour of darkness or my moment of complete happiness. I hope you all know, I am here for you in your hours and treasure every moment we have together. So, the Tracy Lawrence song, at the beginning of the blog, asks a question, "who's gonna be there?" I am so fortunate to be able to say...a lot! I love you all and thanks for being my home fries!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
A Piece of Perfection
Tonight I was folding laundry and trying to watch my show, when I heard Peanut start to cry in his sleep. This was the second time he had started crying tonight, but the first time he only did for a minute or so then went to back to sleep. The second time, he continued to cry and I was worried if he cried to much he would be wide awake.
I went into his room, and he was curled up, I think sleeping, but crying. So, I did what any mother would do...I crawled into his toddler bed to hold him. (I know quite the visual to imagine my rear end in a toddler bed but I did it!) When I got in he just said, "Mommy?" I replied with, "I am right here baby. Nigh, nigh." With that, my amazing son curled his little body into mine and went into a heavy sleep....MY HEART MELTED!
As I laid in bed with my little man, for about 15 minutes, I had so many thoughts go through my mind. Here are some...
***How did I get so damn lucky to get to be his mom?*** How is it possible to love a little body so much?*** My little boy is amazing.*** My life does not seem complete when he is not home.*** I miss him when he is gone.*** He makes me smile everyday. ***I love him and would sacrifice everything for him. ***How am I going to protect him from everything the world has...I'm not...so how am I going to teach him what he needs to know to make the right decisions?
I then decided it was WAY to much thinking for me to have for tonight. So, I softly whispered in his little perfect ear, "I love you Peanut Butter." His little mouth smiled and he inhaled deeply. I kissed his perfect forehead and climbed my butt out of the toddler bed. As I walked out of his room and closed his door, I thought to myself, tonight I was given the opportunity to be reminded how perfect my little man is and how grateful I am to get to have this wild, intense, incredibly amazing ride of being Carter's mom!!!
I went into his room, and he was curled up, I think sleeping, but crying. So, I did what any mother would do...I crawled into his toddler bed to hold him. (I know quite the visual to imagine my rear end in a toddler bed but I did it!) When I got in he just said, "Mommy?" I replied with, "I am right here baby. Nigh, nigh." With that, my amazing son curled his little body into mine and went into a heavy sleep....MY HEART MELTED!
As I laid in bed with my little man, for about 15 minutes, I had so many thoughts go through my mind. Here are some...
***How did I get so damn lucky to get to be his mom?*** How is it possible to love a little body so much?*** My little boy is amazing.*** My life does not seem complete when he is not home.*** I miss him when he is gone.*** He makes me smile everyday. ***I love him and would sacrifice everything for him. ***How am I going to protect him from everything the world has...I'm not...so how am I going to teach him what he needs to know to make the right decisions?
I then decided it was WAY to much thinking for me to have for tonight. So, I softly whispered in his little perfect ear, "I love you Peanut Butter." His little mouth smiled and he inhaled deeply. I kissed his perfect forehead and climbed my butt out of the toddler bed. As I walked out of his room and closed his door, I thought to myself, tonight I was given the opportunity to be reminded how perfect my little man is and how grateful I am to get to have this wild, intense, incredibly amazing ride of being Carter's mom!!!
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