Expanding Our Options

Dustin, Carter and I want to expand our family. We want to have more kiddoes. We want Carter to have a sibling(s). We want him to have a companion to play with and someone to confide in, because we both do with our siblings.

There are so many options, yet due to different reasonings, we aren't able to bring more kiddoes into our home due to the following reasoning.

Why not adoption? As much as we would LOVE to adopt a child from birth again, the financial part of adoption is where we are lacking. It is extremely expensive to adopt through an agency, and right now we do not know someone who is pregnant and wanting to place.

Why not fertility? Well, Dustin and I have now been pregnant a couple times, and I have lost the pregnancies. I do not want to spend a bunch of money on fertility treatments and just have my body reject the pregnancy. I would love to be pregnant and carry a child to term, however, right now I do not have much faith in myself in carrying a child. So, we want to put the money towards something more promising.

So...Today we opened a new door. Dustin and I have decided to look into Foster Care and see what that world offers for ours. Let me start by saying, I. AM. TERRIFIED!!!

We met with a social worker this morning, and let me tell you it is so intimidating to have DCFS come to your house, even if it is for all the RIGHT reasons. I was a nervous wreck, and the lady couldn't have been sweeter. Still...scary!

We talked about what our hopes are, what the goals are, how we feel about all these different situations, and what it is we are willing to do and not do. There was so much information and so much to think about and decide.

What did it all boil down to? Well, we are going to try it. We start classes next week and then once they are half way through, we start our home study. There are many similiarites to the DCFS application and such, but I am a little overwhelmed at the thought of knowing all that is to come.

However, all this has nothing to do with why I am terrified. It has nothing to do with taking on children who need to be loved, no matter what the story. I am in no means even overly concerned about all the hoops my family and I will jump and go through to provide safety, love, and comfort, to another child(ren). I am terrified about our hearts being broken.

The ultimate goal of fostering is reunification, which I completley understand and will support 100%. What I worry about is Carter spending a year or more with a child, bonding with them, creating a relationship, a friendship, a sibling-hood and then that baby going back with their biological family and Carter getting hurt.

I worry that Dustin and I will become completley invested in a child, fall head over heels in love with them, and then they get to go back to their family. It makes me noivous!

But...nothing ventured nothing gained. I have no doubt that each palcement will bring something incredible to our home. I have hope that we will find a child(ren) who are going to be able to be adopted, who fit our family dynamic, and we can adopt them. But if all else fails, and it doesn't work, we can say we tried and we gave some kiddoes a safe, loving home for a little while.

Next Wednesday Dustin and I will take a leap of faith, start the trainings, and see what doors are going to open for Our Lil Adams Family...Wish us luck!!!