Time To ReVamp

If you have been one of my blog readers for the past year, you will know I lost my pregnancy a year ago this past week. Right after my miscarriage, I got back on my HCG diet immediately to try to get some of the weight I had gained back off. I did one round and then decided to wait until the summer was over.

Well, then it was fall and I couldn't bring myself to start back up. Somewhere in the middle of the summer I got off all my meds and wouldn't refill them. I swore I would when school started. Then it became to close to the holidays to start, and the excuses go on and on. I could see negative effects in my body and myself, but I wouldn't go to my doctor, I wouldn't do anything. I am finally able to admit to why, and now the repercussions of this are back and on my plate to deal with...AGAIN!

I have a lot of thoughts that the reason my pregnancy ended was due to the medication I was taking prior to me finding out I was pregnant. One was not a healthy medication to be on during pregnancy and I cannot help but wonder if that is what caused my miscarriage. So, I stopped taking it, even after I lost the baby. I got back on for a few months,but when it was up, I stopped.

I know these meds help a great deal with my poly cystic ovarian syndrome and my thyroid. But I am finally going to admit, the reason why I haven't been taking them is because I was hoping to get pregnant, and didn't want to have to question if I were to lose another pregnancy that it was due to my meds. So, I stopped. Not smart. Not under medical advice. I did it by myself.

Unfortunately, I have not gotten pregnant. But what has happened, is I have royally screwed up my body, I think. I have gained a lot of the weight I had lost back, my body isn't as healthy as it was, and I am sick about it. I know I did it to myself, and I should know better. So, now I have the repercussions of my decisions.

So, tomorrow, I am going to try to call my doctor. I am going to try to get an appointment for as soon as I can. I am going to have to face her, much heavier than I was, and I am going to have to explain myself. I am not looking forward to that. But, I am going to start taking my meds and not worry about getting pregnant. I have accepted not being able to conceive a child before and I will again. I have a beautiful 2 year old Little Man who needs a healthy mom. He is here now and ready for me in full strides.

I have started the gym. I will begin my meds. I will stop drinking diet coke. And I will seriously consider a few more rounds of HCG. Summer is 5 months away, and I am ready to kick its ass!

Here is to no more excuses and no more pity! Here is to a happier, healthier me!