Spontaneous Trip to Portland

Last weekend, Nathan, Dustin, Carter and I went to Boise, Idaho to go visit a very dear friend of ours, Haley. We left Salt Lake City Friday afternoon, and headed towards Kuna. It was quite an adventure, but we got there with no major events at about 10:30 that night. We unloaded, took a tour of Halo's beautiful home, then played a wicked game of "Spin Uno!" It was a lot of fun and good to be unwinding.

Saturday we decided we were going to go to Swan Falls and look around. Well, the name was very misleading because there are no falls, just a river, but we had a great time. We put Carter in the water and he loved to splash around and play. Dustin and I also got in to just keep an eye on Peanut. We then walked around the grounds and decided to have some family pictures done. It was a lot of fun, and we really enjoyed being outdoors. We then headed up the hill, praying we wouldn't run out of gas since the light had come on and we were in BFE, and saw more fun photo ops. So, we of course took some more pictures and then moved on. We went back to Kuna, got gas, and then went and had Mexican Food, it was DELICIOUS! The rest of the day was spent at Halo's playing games, drinking margaritas, and watching movies.

Sunday morning we decided to go to Oregon. I had never been there and thought it would be fun to add another state to my bucket list goal. (Hit all 50 states by the time I'm 50) So, we drove into Ontario, Oregon for Breakfast at Rusty's. They had really good food, and it was yummy to eat some real breakfast food. As we were sitting there, we decided to drive 100 more miles to go to the Oregon Trail Museum in Baker City. So, we got back in the car and headed West on I-84.

As we were driving Haley started talking about these beautiful falls that were in Oregon, Multnomah Falls. Well, we debated for a little while and then decided to bag the museum and just head towards the falls. Shortly after that decision was made, she then brought up how close Portland is to these falls. So...we started kicking around the idea of spending the night in Portland. We made some phone calls, got a room booked and headed west for Portland.

During the drive we were able to cross a couple of bridges, that then put us into White Salmon, Washington. Sweet! Another state I hadn't been to! So we stopped looked around the little town, bought a shot glass, and kept on going.

Once we hit the falls, we decided to take pictures at Horsetail Falls, but decided to hold off til Monday for Multnomah Falls. We wanted to have some time in Portland. So, we headed towards our hotel room, checked in, and then headed downtown Portland.

We ended up eating at Kell's Irish Pub and Restaurant, and that was so fun. They had happy hour so food was $3 and the drinks were cheap. We then cruised up and down Portland roads adn the boardwalk by the Columbia River. It was gorgeous. I forget how much I love water and bridges.

We headed back to the hotel about 11:30 and crashed. We were back up and going by 6:50. We grabbed McDonalds for breakfast, gassed up, and went to Multnomah Falls. It is incredible! We were able to take the hike, and see the waterfall. It is the second tallest, year round waterfall in the nation. It was truly amazing. So, of course we took pictures and then were back on the road.

On our way, we crossed back into Stephenson, Washington, and took the road on that side til White Salmon. It is gorgeous! The water and all was beautiful. The Columbia River is incredible and full of life. We were also able to see Mount Hood, which was amazing. It snows on that mountain year round. It was a beautiful sight.

We got back to Kuna, Idaho about 4:30, packed up, and was headed back to Salt Lake City by 5:30. So, 1700 miles, 13oo pictures, 4 states, 3 shot glasses, and a priceless amount of fun and spantaneity, we arrived back to the great state of Salt, aka our home, at 11:30. Here is to spontaneity and friends who are willing to go for a ride! Cheers!

HOORAY!!!

Okay, so this is going to be a personal post, but I am so excited I have to share!

As you all know I am chunky, I say that word because I HATE the word fat, I think it just sounds mean. Now, I know I am, but I think "chunky" makes it easier for me to deal with. LOL, I am a nerd I know.

Anyway, so back in April my Dad and Kel started talking to me about a new diet, the HCG diet. Well, it is pretty intense and takes a lot of commitment to do it. It entails an injection every day, and only consuming 500 calories. So, my mom and I went to a presentation to see if it was something I thought would really work for me.

Here is a side note and a bit of a history. I have never in my life experienced what it is like to be thin, not even slender. I came out at 9 lbs 14 oz, was two weeks early, and the doctor told my parents I was a month old. All of my siblings are very fit and gorgeous but I always have fallen short when it came to being comfortable with where I stood weight wise. I have never let it hold me back, but it always has made me question what people are truly thinking about me.

I have a lot of medical problems. My insulin is literally off the charts, and the doctors have never seen numbers as high as mine. Therefore, my body turns everything I eat and drink into fat. I have been on medication for this, and just within the last year have I been able to maintain my weight. Shortly after I graduated from college my body spun out of control. I was constantly gaining weight and no matter what I did it would keep gaining. I think a lot of people just thought I wasn't watching my intake or proportions or ....but internally it was making me crazy. I have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome, no progesterone, to much testosterone, I'm hypoglycemic and my list goes on and on. I have recently labeled myself a medical disaster.

I started seeing doctors about different things when I was 20. And since then I feel like everytime I go in they come back with something else and a new med or a new doctor I need to go see. It is always heartbreaking for me to hear the new news because I just think, great what else. Now, I realize I am very fortunate in MANY aspects because I am not diagnosed with a terminal disease. However, to live my life obese is heartbreaking for me. I want to be the fun mom, I want to be someone Carter is happy to have as a mom, not an embarassment. But, I just got to the point I didn't know what to do. I had come to terms that I was going to spend my life overweight. But, I kept telling myself as long as my meds keep my weight maintained, I will be okay. Even though I hated looking in the mirror, seeing pictures of how I used to look and how I look now, etc.

Anyway, there is a very simple look at somethings. So, 37 days ago I started the HCG diet. It has been challenging, but I have been very committed. It is not cheap and I feel like if I have a chance of being happy with me physically, I need to step up to the plate and do what it takes to get my weight down. Hopefully in doing this, my meds and being a lot more aware will help me maintain my weight as I drop.

Well, this diet says a pound a day for forty days. I have not hit that mark due to a change in meds that stopped me from losing for 9 days. But as of today, I am down 30 lbs! I have hit numbers I haven't seen since before my wedding! OMG I am so excited.

So, last night Jocelyn and I were putting on her wedding dress, and I got this idea that I should see if mine fit again. You see, probably 3 months after I said, "I do," my dress was way to little. I couldn't even attempt to put it on because it was so small. So last night I pulled out the old gown, and was willing to suck it in and squeeze and pull to get into the damn thing. But...I put it on...and....it zipped RIGHT UP!!!! It fit better last night then it did on my actual wedding day!!!! I was so excited that it really made my eyes feel with tears.


Anyway, I am continuing to do this diet and am ever so grateful for those who helped me do it! I feel the best I have felt in so long and am finally beginning to believe there is hope out there for me to not be the fat embarassing mom I have feared. So...that's it! I just wanted to post because I am so very, very excited to finally be feeling better!

A Soldier in Our Family!

As many of you know, my little sister has married the love of her life, Chris. They have been together nearly 3 years and have been through a ton. What people may or may not know is my little sister married a soldier. Chris is a rocket scientist, literally, for the United States Air Force. He is about to become a First Lieutenant in June, which is a big deal, and he deserves a huge congratulations!

In late February, Chris put in to deploy to Afghanistan. He had put in for several others and not received it, and I think thought that was going to be what happened again this time. However, the next day he was told he had been accepted and would be touring with the U.S. Army. This started a whirl wind event of a wedding, packing their house, and moving J home and Chris heading for a two month training.

Over the last two months, Chris has been through hell and back both physically and emotionally, preparing for life overseas. Which is probably to be expected. However, what I didn't really realize was what it is like for the family. I mean, I figured for the wife of a soldier it would be HELL, but just being a sister-in-law has been overwhelming at times. There is truly not a day that I don't pray for Chris to return home safely.

Now, I need to vent on some of the things my little sister has been through. She is very sensitive to Chris's feelings and is always talking to him trying to make sure their marriage remains strong. They have shared with each other their fears, their hopes, etc. and I believe it is truly making them stronger. However, people who know Jocelyn but not very well have said some horrible things to her, and it makes me want to beat them and knock some sense into them. For example, someone had this conversation with her.

Jocelyn says, "I need to go by an American Flag and hang it at my house." Anonymous person says, "Jocelyn, I would hold off on that for a little bit." Jocelyn, "Oh, how come?" Anonymous, "Because you will receive the flag off of Chris's coffin." I want to know who in the HELL would EVER say something like that to a soldiers wife. I mean, really....REALLY!!! Who even would dare say that!

There has been other things said and I just am in awe of the lack of common sense and the lack of courtesy people are showing to the men in the military.

So here is what I have to say. To the Men and Women who are serving our country...Thank you! That sounds so trite when you are literally putting it all on the line. To the Men and Women and Children who have family serving our country, thank you for putting it all on the line. To the rest of us, rather we support the war or not, we ALL should be supporting the men and women who fight daily for us to bitch about everything else going on in the world and not have terrible consequences, and show compassion for the families who are going through a living hell waiting for their loved one to return!

Its Been Awhile!

Wow, I can't believe my last post was about Easter! So much has happened and I don't even know where to begin. Let's see...

Carter is crawling everywhere and learning to love to be mobile! He has recently figured out that crawling can get you into different rooms of the house, and he is really getting around now. He has also started testing the waters to stand by himself. He can do it for a few seconds, and then freaks himself out. It is way to much fun to watch.

He has also started kicking around some words, which thrills me. He has said, "oh-oh," "wow," "daddy," "papa," and "kitty." Now, I am not going to say it is fluent but every now and then when he gets it, it is a BIG deal!

My Mother's Day was so nice. It was really wierd to be a mother this year, but it was also fantastic. I was able to get a pedicure and my nails put back on, and also received a tanning pass! AHHH HEAVEN in my world. Thanks Fuzz! We then spent the day with all of our mother's and spending some quality time together!

I am anxiously counting down the days for school to be out. It is 12 school days in case you are wondering! HOORAY! I couldn't be more excited for summer vacation! I am going to work ESY, but that is only 12 days for four hours. Plus it pays for the cruise and gives me some extra spending money! That is awesome!

Dustin and I are going on a cruise in November to Mexico and we are very excited. We have not been on a vacation for two years now, and it is definitely time. We usually do a week vacation in June, but last year with saving for our adoption there was no vacation. So, when our group of closest friends decided Mexico in November we had to get on and go. We are truly looking forward to a week or beach, margaritas, and friends.

This weekend we are going to Boise for a few days to be with a girlfriend who just got a house. We are taking Carter and just going to spend sometime barbecuing and hanging out at the parks down there. We are looking forward to a mini-vacation because we haven't even left the state in close to two years. Can you tell I am getting antsy and NEED A BREAK!

Jocelyn's wedding is just around the corner and I believe is going to be beautiful. We have gotten our dresses for the line, and I think it is going to be really cute. More than anything I am looking forward to my little sister having sometime with her husband before he goes to Afghanistan.

My next blog will be about what it is like to send a loved one to war and the hell a family goes through! Til then, hope everyone is well and take care!

Our First Easter!

Our Easter weekend turned out to be a lot of fun. It was so nice to spend some quality time with our families and friends. We didn't dye eggs or anything ourselves, just because Carter is to little, but we were able to really get some quality time with my mom's family, Nathan's family, and Dustin's family. My dad is in Hawaii, I know I'm sure they had a rough Easter.


Sunday morning we were to be at mom's at 10. I don't kow how but we had decided to dress up for Easter. I used to as a child, and decided I wanted to bring that back. It isn't very often we get to dress up and I think it is good for the soul every now and then. Plus, we had just gotten those ties and my dress for J's wedding, and I thought they would be the perfect Easter outfit.


We got to mom's and had a nice breakfast made by Garry and Dustin. It was very yummy. Then while my sister and Colin were at church, the Easter bunny showed up and hid the eggs in the house and out front. Once they were back, Colin was anxious to gather his eggs. He was so fun to watch. Each time he would find an egg he would say, "ooooh," and then run over there and get it, then throw it into his basket, so each egg broke when it got in his basket. Dustin and I got very excited for next year, when Carter can participate. We then had an adult Easter egg hunt, which was awesome, and we each got to find 10 eggs, and they all had some money for us.


We then headed over to Nathan's house for our family Easter party there. Nathan has an incredibly large family, which is always a lot of fun. We were able to do some pictures, eat some lunch, and of course have an Easter egg hunt for the children. They loved it, and it was such a nice day, that we spent some time soaking up the sun. Most of the kids were dressed up and some of the adults, and I love that. My god-daughters looked gorgeous in there matching Easter dresses. I can't believe how big all the kids are getting.


This is my god-daughter MaLeah Lin...She is my name sake! I LOVE HER!

Anyway, we then went to Dustin's sisters for Easter dinner, and yep...you guessed it, another Egg hunt. We had a great dinner made by my mother-in-law, and some good old family time together. It was a lot of fun!

`

In Memory Of....

Today is a very special day for me, it is my god-son's birthday. I wanted to take a moment and write about him, because I don't want him to ever think I have forgotten him. So, in his honor, I am going to tell his story.

Five years ago today was one of the scariest, yet most anticipated, happiest days of my younger life. On March 31, 2004 Dominic Paul Roll was born. My best friend Ashley and I had been shopping at Payless about 9 months before and called to get the results of a pregnancy test she had taken just on a whim. The nurse told her the test had come back positive. She hung up and immediately called again. Again, the nurse told her she was pregnant. I truly thought Ash was pulling my chain, so I called and the nurse said to me, "Honey, I'm sorry the test is positive...You are pregnant!"

Well, Ash was in tears, and I was in shock. We weren't really expecting her to be pregnant! So, the first thing that came to my mind was to say, "CONGRATULATIONS, you are going to be a mommy!" In my head I am thinking, "What in the hell are we going to do, we are only 20, the dad is not worth a damn, and Ash is going to have a baby!"

But, we took the results and never looked back. The father didn't want anything to do with Ashley or the baby, so I was fortunate enough to kind of fill in that place. I talked to Ashley every day, talked to the belly every day, went to the doctors with her when I could, went to fetal photo on her 21st birthday and found out "we" were having a boy. We decided on the name Dominic and Paul as a middle name after Nathan. Then it became a hurray up and wait for the baby to get here.

At about 6 months Ashley was at a routine ultra-sound, and they detected Dominic had a heart problem. They told her his heart was growing on the outside of his body. They suggested an abortion, but told her she could keep the baby til term if she wanted but the chances of him surviving were not real high.

Ashley hesitated for about one night, and after a dream and some serious contemplation, she determined she was going to finish out this pregnancy and give Dominic a fighting chance. It was really scary for her, but she was radiant and took great care of herself and her body while she was pregnant. They told her she would have to have a c-section because the thin layer of skin, protecting the heart, could tear if she gave birth vaginally. They then told us March 31, would be the day.

So, that morning I was in Logan going to school. I went and did my practicum and took off at 10:15, I had to make it to the U of U by 12 if I wanted to see Ashley before the baby was born. The whole time I was driving, I kept thinking, "Please let this little boy live, but please don't let it be a life of suffering." I don't remember very many times feeling this worried.

I got to the U and met my sisters and Ashley there. We did pictures and tried to keep the conversation light, because we had no idea what the next few hours would bring. When it was time for Ash to go have her baby there were so many emotions. I just looked at her and said, "You can do this, I'll see you when you get out."

About 30 minutes later, a life flight team, wheeled Dominic out. He was 8 lbs 4 oz, I think, and 21 inches long. He looked very healthy, except for the little heart that was beating on the outside of his skin, where his belly button should be.

Dominic lived for 12 days. He was a hell of a fighter and gave us such joy. After meeting after meeting, and the toughest decisions of Ashley's life, they took him off of life support on Easter. Dom passed away 12 hours later.

I don't know if anyone will ever quite understand how much defining and growing up Ashley and I did those nine months. We truly began to realize the heartache and the joy life can bring. Dominic holds a very special place in all of the hearts he touched. He was a beautiful little boy with a spirit so strong. He was sent here with a purpose and I know he filled it.

Dominic, Happy 5th birthday! I can't believe you would have been five today! The time has gone by quickly but the void in our hearts will never be filled. Please watch over your mom today, as she continues to struggle dealing with your birthday. I love you and hope you are playing in fields of grass to celebrate your day! Happy birthday baby boy, I love you!

A NIGHT OUT!

Last night Dustin, Carter and I had a family night out and it was so much fun! A friend of mine has season tickets to the Jazz, and she couldn't make this game, and offered them to me. I took them, and then debated if we were going to use them or give them to my sister. The last time we got them we gave the tickets to Stac and Bri as a thank you for helping us out. But, this time I felt like Dustin and I could really use a night out together that is different then usual.

So...we were looking through the weekly mailers and found a buy one entree, get one free at the Blue Iguana downtown. So for $12 we had a great Mexican meal and were able to eat at a restuarant we haven't been to in years, literally!

We then headed over to a parking lot where my uncle parks cars, a block away from Energy Solutions, and he had saved us a great parking spot! It was very easy to walk to and right by the arena...(it will ALWAYS be the Delta Center to me!)

Anyway, once we got there we found our seats and they were AMAZING! We got there in the second quarter and the Jazz were up by 19! I thought it would be a boring game...definitely was not a boring game AT ALL! We played the Phoenix Suns, and can I just note that Shaquel O'Neal, forgive the spelling, is a freaking moose. He is so dang big, I just couldn't stop staring at him.

The people in front of us were Suns fans, and that caused some great fun and commotion with the others surrounding us. We all sat next to two very nice women who fell in love with Carter! They held him and passed him back and forth down the entire line, and he just loved all the attention the entire time!

The game went into overtime, yes that means the second half was VERY rough for the Jazz, but they came out at the beginning of overtime and got back into the game. Darrin Williams really stepped up and helped give the Jazz a victory. GREAT GAME! I am so glad we went.

I decided to see how much a little Jazz beanie would be for Carter, thinking it would be cute for him to be a young fan. So, Dustin and I stood in line forever, then when it was finally our turn, the lady was a total B.I.!!! I asked if she had a beanie with a little rim in front this was her EXACT answer, "I hope you are with him," (looking at Dustin) "and no I don't!." Then the nice woman, walked away! She TOALLY dismissed us. So, I was my nice, mellow self, and told Dustin we were leaving. So much for a little hat for Peanut! Oh well!

We then decided we needed some ice cream. So, we spent 15 minutes at the Sonic drive-up waiting to be helped, and when they still hadn't even taken our order, we went to Sconecutter. We both got a raspberry and snickers yogurt for me and ice cream for Dustin, then went home.

Carter had a lot of fun. Before we were even out of the parking lot he was sound asleep. He handled the noise, the crowds, and the entire night out beautifully! We had a great time and were so glad we could take Carter out to enjoy it with us!