Well...Hmmmm!!!!

Yesterday was my first doctor appointment since I found out we were pregnant. I was so excited and couldn't wait to hear fetus's heartbeat and see the little body! Dustin went with me and we were ready!

My doctor came in and asked me all of the regular questions. We discussed my medications, previous surgeries, celebrated the fact I was finally pregnant, and discussed different delivery options due to my medical problems. My doctor has been with me for five years and know's me very well, so it was very nice to be celebrating this little miracle with her.

It was then time for the ultrasound!!! She comes in and starts to do the tummy ultrasound. She is searching and says here is your bladder, uterus, and this is your sac. Then she continues to stroll around. At that moment the whole atmosphere of the room changed. She asked me to lay my head flat, to relax my tummy muscles and then started pressing down a little harder. I said,"Lisa, is everything okay?" And she says "just hold on Linds."

A few more minutes passed and she tells me she is going to do a vaginal ultrasound. So, she preps that and then starts searching again. She is taking measurements and the look on her face is very serious. So, again, I say, "Lisa, what is wrong?" After another minute or two this is her answer.

-"Linds, you have a sac. So, there is no doubt you are pregnant. However, the problem I am having is that I can't see a fetus. So, this means one of two things. One you may only be six or seven weeks along. Your sac has no abnormalities, which is good, and if your dates are off then the sac would be correct. If it is the other one, then that means you got pregnant without a fetus forming."

So, I ask, "What does all that mean, are my symptoms of the pregnancy all in my head?" Lisa says, "No, either way you are definitely pregnant, we just don't know if when the egg and spern fertilized an embryo didn't form, just tissue, or if it is just to little and we can't see it."

I say, "Okay, what does all this mean?" She comes back with this, in the most loving voice. "Linds, it means we have to wait. I am going to do some blood work and see if your levels are where they are supposed to be. Unfortunately, we will not have the results until after Christmas. Once we have those, we will wait 2-4 more weeks and then schedule another ultrasound. From there, if there is a fetus, we continue going with a regular pregnancy. If there is still no fetus we will either cause a miscarriage or you will have a DNC."

As I sat there taking all this in, trying to be brave and not tear up, my sweet husband says, "You have to tell Lindsey what the odds are here! I know her and she will sit and obsess about this unless she knows!" And my doctor knowing this as well, simply says, "I am so sorry, I have no idea. All we can do is wait and find out."

She steps out of the room for me to dress and the tears start to come. Dustin tries to give me loves but I know that I will completely fall apart if he does. So, I get dressed and wait for my doctor to come back in. She came back in with a lab order and says, "I will call you as soon as I know what the blood work says." I wish her a Merry Christmas, and go next door to the lab.

They took 10 viles of blood yesterday, that is the most I have ever had taken at one time. The rest of my day was kind of shot to hell. I am trying so hard to be brave, but it is so hard. I am praying for the best, I just don't know how realistic it is. I have know I am pregnant for 5 1/2 weeks and just don't know if the 6-7 week pregnancy is realistic.

So, bottom line...I am at hurray up and wait. I hate that part, but just pray fetus shows up next time!